You Know You Are a Conspiracy Theorist If…

You are capable of critical thinking.

You distrust mainstream media.

You like nature.

You think it’s a good idea to spend the Friday after Thanksgiving with your family rather than camping outside Best Buy to get a cheap plasma television made in China.

You think it’s a little strange that WTC building 7 came down at free fall speed on 9/11 yet it was never hit by a plane.

You think that drones in America might not be for Al Qaeda.

You would like to be able to get on a plane without having to engage in a mandatory radiation bath and digital strip search.

You have read a book in the past year.

You think you have the right to protest.

You think the War on Terror is a scam.

You think the War on Drugs is a scam.

You think the anger directed at America from the Middle East could possibly be related to our foreign policy rather than hating how amazingly free we are.

You think the Republicans and Democrats are exactly the same on the important issues affecting our country.

You think believing in The Constitution does not constitute a terrorist act.

You have heard of the Bill of Rights and can even name what some of them are.

You question whether the government loves you.

You think the right to bear arms is not for hunting, rather so citizens can fight back should the government become a bunch of tyrannical thugs.

You don’t own a television, and if you do, all you watch is RT, especially the Keiser Report and Capital Account.

You don’t think the NDAA is the name of Kesha’s latest single.

You think rich, powerful and connected people should be subject to the rule of law and go to jail if they commit crimes. Even if they are bankers and work at JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs.

You think corporations aren’t people.

You think Warren Buffet is a phony and a crony capitalist.

You don’t care that Warren Buffet likes cherry coke, hamburgers and ice cream.  He’s still a bad guy.

You know that gold was made illegal by FDR in 1933 and confiscated from the American people.  You know that gold bullion remained illegal for Americans to own until 1975.

You think politicians that push for war should be sent to fight on the front lines.  If they are unable, their children should go.

You want your food to be labeled GMO so that you can make your own decisions on what you are consuming.

You grow your own food.

You buy raw milk.

You think food and energy should be included in inflation calculations.

You are aware that the Department of Homeland Security has purchased 1.2 billion rounds of ammo in the past year.

You question whether said ammo purchases are in anticipation of a Normandy beach style landing by Al Qaeda.

You think allowing a small group of unelected people (The Federal Reserve) to print unlimited amounts of money and distribute it as they please might not be a good idea.

If you answered yes to more than five of the above, you might be a conspiracy theorist.  You also may be on the government’s terror watch list.  Be very alarmed and report it to the authorities immediately should you discover your neighbors engaged in such uncivilized thought. 

Best of luck comrades,

Follow me on Twitter!



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  1. I can relate to some of it, but some of it is without sense to me…………..sounds almost like Jesse Ventura wrote it

  2. Awesome Mike! Oh, and Jesse Ventura ROCKS!

  3. Damn right Jesse rocks, although he’s slow getting a clue. Some of us knew about 9-11 being a can of worms long before he started figuring it out. And Rosalee, you need to do more research. The only thing that accounts for all the evidence seen on 9-11 and in the months afterwards was tactical nuclear weapons used on intermittent floors and detonated by remote control; and the planes were probably taken over by remote control also, rather than the non-existent on the flight manifest ‘hijackers’; the only evidence for them is on the phone call that the FBI said turns out never happened. When are people going to do the research and realize, New York City was nuked? The evidence was hidden by the same people that told us the air was safe to breathe…

    If the ‘hijackers’ were all Saudi nationals, why didn’t we take our revenge out on them?

    • Hmmm. I don’t buy the official story of 9-11 at all, but this is absurd.

      One word: radiation.

    • Weapons may have been more advanced than nukes. Check out Judy Wood for a very convincing analysis of the method used to bring down the three buildings on 9/11. But the newest generation of mini-nukes are said to leave minimal traces of radiation that will dissipate very rapidly perhaps in a matter of hours.

    • The new generation of mini-nukes (in research and production since the 70s) have very low radiation signatures but indeed, levels of tritium far higher than background were seen as well as decay elements that could ONLY be due to fission. NYC was nuked, there is no longer any doubt about it. Read Jeff Prager, the Anonymous Physicist and Ed Ward, MD.

  4. This a how-to on getting a post to go viral! First you use wit. Then brevity. Then combine with awareness and intelligence. Then make sure your target is guilty of every last thing you imply that it is. Super job, Mike.

    • Ditto and kudos to you for the smartest take on this I’ve seen yet, and I have seen a LOT! I sent it to all my list, I’m sure they’ve already visited yr site, and had another read. At 70, I’m an activist-writer from yr father’s era, and VERY happy to see writing this smart & sassy coming out when we most need it.

      Yes, there are very evil people and they’ll be happy to see us all dead and gone, but –if we can get their children and others to laugh at the utter insanity of this– then real hope has a place in our lives. NEVER yield, never doubt, know that the military has many fine and great people in it, and yes, even members of the intelligence community know what’s up, and are with you.

      Stay strong, stay the course: we WILL succeed.

  5. I can accept SOME of what you present, however most of it is without basis or prood–hence THEORY.

    • LOL what in the world are you talking about? Do you need someone else’s written theory to teach you how to personally feel about a subject? You can’t sort it out on your own without someone else telling you what is true for you? You can’t write your own theories for yourself then? Poor thing.

    • This person lacks the 1st thing on the topic

    • Little in life is anything but theory. Even in the sciences.

      If you try to live your life by only proven things, and not by logic and common sense inferences, well…good luck.

    • Your right Grady, everything pretty much is just a person’s theory. Even scientific facts have been proven wrong or replaced by new facts as technology evolves. Conspiracy Realists just like to have a open mind even if they are proven wrong.

    • I agree also, although I would add that nothing can ever truly be proven, it can only be presented and backed up by evidence and it is then up to the observers to decide whether or not they believe that evidence proves the theory.

      Proof is subjective to each individual, for instance, I personally believe there is enough solid, credible evidence out there which proves that the official story of 9/11 was bs but others reject the evidence.

  6. Almost similar topic here 🙂

    “Take the Test to See If You Might Be Considered a “Potential Terrorist” By Government Officials” by George Washington (2012-09-21)

  7. Well, I haven’t read a book in the last year cover to cover….How high does that put me on the list?

  8. If you don’t bathe…

  9. One more. You think that it should be illegal for the government to put poisonous floride in your drinking water.

  10. I go into nature often; I take a pen and a journal to write poetry, as nature inspires me. Well, a park ranger came up to me and asked what I was doing. Apparently, he was very confused as to why anybody would actually be writing anything by hand. Same thing at coffee shops…II get puzzled looks. Alas…

    And yeah, I’m a conspiracy theorist 😉

  11. Love your stuff Mike.

    Kinda sad to see the quality of the comments, though.

  12. that was a good laugh!!!


  13. You are unpatriotic if you think Professional Wrestling is fixed.

  14. You might be a conspiracy theorist if you don’t believe that Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan, James Earl Ray, and Timothy McVeigh were “lone nut” assassins.

  15. there appears to be a rotating map in the top right hand corner of the page tracking the location of people on this website. isn’t that snoopyness exactly the kind of thing you guys are against?

  16. Goggle : non gmo soybeans Arkansas
    150,000 acres of non gmo soybeans in 2012
    Edamame also
    The marketplace is alive and well

  17. I answered yes to all of them,… Jesse Ventura does ROCK!

  18. Conspiracy Is A Crime, Not A Theory

    Conspiracies are actually quite common. They happen all the time. That’s why the word is in the English language, it’s in the dictionary, and it’s been a civil and criminal charge for at least a few hundred years. 40% of the people in federal prison right now are there on a conspiracy charge (among others). BUT….a conspiracy charge won’t stand by itself – there must be some other crime involved – conspiracy to commit murder, conspiracy to commit fraud etc.

    The basic defintion of a conspiracy is: “Two or more people working together towards some illegal result, or using illegal means to achieve a legal result”. Note that people work together, or collaborate, all the time!!!…but in order for there to be a conspiracy, there has to be something ILLEGAL going on. Secrecy has nothing to do with it, although most conspiracies are planned in secret – as most good things are done out in the open, and and deeds are done in secret (there are exceptions to this, as war is waged out in the open, and surprise parties are planned in secret)

    Hence, anyone who doubts the existence of conspiracies is delusional. A judge is not going to treat a conspiracy charge any different, procedurally, than any other crime. And believe me, evil people work together all the time towards evil goals…….and they work together VERY well (gee, think about who’s involved in conspiracies).. Much more efficiently than a bunch of do-gooder bleeding-heart liberals, libertarians or Christians…………

    Now, over the past hundred years or so, the propagandists have taken this perfectly legitimate legal term, and have added the word “theory” behind it in order to imply that something that is a “theory” that means it is not true. However, you’d never hear a judge use a term like “fraud theory” or “murder theory” before evidence is presented, or a decision handed-down, or like…..ever.

    What’s funny is that if you look up ‘theory’ in the dictionary, you’ll find definitions such as: “a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena” or “the analysis of a set of facts in their relation to one another”……… In other words, it seems perfectly ok to talk about things such as the “theory of relativity” or “theory of evolution” and accept that they are true…….

    But now the perception of what the definition of a conspiracy is has changed from “An agreement between two or more persons to commit a crime or accomplish a legal purpose through illegal action.” to being associated with tin foil hats, kool-aid, paranoia, lunacy, UFOs, and Bigfoot. And now, Mainstream Media indoctrination causes a “slide response” in people upon hearing the word – causing their brains to go into complete shutdown mode (other words have a similar effect).

    You see……. if you and I get toegether and rob a bank, that’s called a “conspiracy” (and believe me, they would slap us with that IMMEDIATELY). But when we put our money in the bank and Rockefellers rob us ….oooooh, now the MSM will call that a conspiracy “theory”, Get it?” It depends on WHO is doing the plundering…..

    There’s no doubt in my mind that IF..IF we could EVER get a FAIR trial (impossible, I know) that we’d have no problem coming up with enough evidence to get Rockfellers, Rothschilds, Lehmans, Goldmans, Sachs, JP Morgan, Bushes, Clintons, Bernanke and the whole lot of them convicted for conspiracy, fraud, treason, and unlawful conversion FOR STARTERS. But of course it’s hard to enforce something like anti-fraud laws when the government participates in the fraud….

    Not everything is a conspiracy, as there must be 2 or more people working towards an illegal result for a conspiracy to exist (that’s not to say that laws aren’t made to protect those who engage in highly unethical behavior – they most certainly are). However…, nearly everything coming our way these is a DECEPTION. Look around you……war, terrorism, global warming, Obama “care” , advertisements, TV in general, insurance, GMO food, *organized* religion, psychiatry…the list goes on and on…very little is “as it seems”’s all smoke and mirrors, and it all has a hidden agenda behind some nicey-nice front.

    As far as a “Grand Conspiracy”, there is indeed a move on towards global government. IF YOU CAN’T SEE THAT GOING ON AROUND YOU, YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION. The globalist actors have admitted so in their own speeches and writings and I’d be glad to send their own damning words to anyone interested.

    So…the bottom line is….I’m going to continue to use the term, with its proper meaning, and in its proper context………I urge the rest of you to do like-wise, and do not let the propagandists hijack and twist this perfectly legitimate legal term in order to cover up the very real conspiracies the elite (1%) are engaged in every day…

    I tell people all the time:

    “You can call me a conspiracy theorist if I can call you a coincidence theorist”.

    • Very well said!

    • Wow that was long and sucked reading on a phone, but very true I have a question tho. People love labels and liberals especially label everything and everyone, except GMO food. What would you call those who don’t believe nor takes the government’s word for it and questions things? Really none of us think the same as the other, it’s not like we are an organized group with a set of rules and regulations. So just cuz I believe Elvis is dead and 9/11’s official story is bull shit, doesn’t mean I’m a as they say a conspiracy nut. Nor are you. I’m so sick of people putting other people in one category just because of a thought. if you go on a liberal page and disagree they call you a conservative, if you go on a conservative page and disagree your a liberal. Do you get my point here? Its crazy really! People always trying to divide us into different groups by putting labels on us, for THINKING! Oh well all I can do is try to inform people to keep an open mind, nothings impossible and raise my kids not to believe everything and always question.

  19. Tiresome…….everything is tiresome. WHO is so clever to think that everything they write, is clever? Everthing I’ve read here today is not only tiresome, but extremely boring.

  20. Thanks Mike,
    Great post!
    Love the name of this site, please remember folks,
    many Americans were killed or injured, (probably some in your family) fighting for freedom for Americans. The dead will continue to roll in their graves until we Americans men
    get up off the couch, jail the banksters and their puppet politicians just like Iceland did, and get back our freedom for ourselves, our kids, and their kids.
    Their are mountains of evidence that 9/11 was an inside job, one of the best in Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta’s testimony on what dick cheney did in the PEOC (Presidents Emergency Operation Center) bunker the morning of 9/11-

  21. I guess I am some what a theorist but I always thought more I am conspiracy factualist The facts are hundreds of patents filed on 100 miles per gallon fuel systems are in fact actually owned by oil companies. It must be more than a theory because i sell my book money back if not convinced with over 2500 sold only 2 refunds With 90% free at others back up the facts at

  22. If you think they are coming to get you like alex jones says think again i discovered something more insidious than that while researching something else I learned they discovered cancer was a virus and could be given in shots also Cancer needs to be turned on like a switch and that is by radiation they did the first step we all got vacinations and flu shots and now they are doing the second with smart meters and airport scanners. here is my research

  23. Love the way you put it out in contrast like that! The saddest part is this will still blow by some people. #ThinkAmerica!!

  24. The greatest conspiracy of all is the one passing you all right by guys. We elect politicians and give them control of our food, shelter, health, environment and finances. The world we live in is under the control of those men. The new disasters are made by men, the wars, the medicines and education are orchestrated by male decree. The four men to every one woman worldwide representation in Government is way out of balance. Those men have had it this way along time, that is History, and have we learned from that? Well sure, we know there are few women criminals, compared to men. Rival women politicians have been shown in studies to cooperate over projects more easily than men. Results show women exhibit more kindness and empathy than men. Men behave better in front of women. Make the boys put away their toys. Create a blood free resolution.
    Set it up for success, have Equal Gender Governments. Wave for it March 8th 12.30 Everywhere.

  25. If you look at a lot of my cartoons you could call me a consiracy theorist, the only thing is I am not necessarily a theorist. Enjoy, Regards Arto.

  26. My comment! Right on target!

  27. The biggest conspiracy THEORY on the planet is the “OFFICIAL STORY” of 911. It’s also the biggest pile of hog excrement.

  28. If you look on Manta website or on the Security Exchange Commission website you will notice that all countries, their police, military, secret services, towns, cities, states, provinces, courts, etc., are in fact nothing more than fictional corporations for profit and control and not actually sovereign with any true authority over free people, which is why when people try to deal with them the wrong way they get nowhere except maybe in trouble.
    Look up “strawman birth certificate bond” and the like online and start to learn who these people are and who you are. Once you learn the truth about what is actually going on in this smoke and mirrors world of commerce, etc., maybe then you will know what to do that won’t keep ending up getting you in trouble.
    A corporation is a fictional idea in someone’s mind, it has no real substance, cannot be injured or suffer loss, cannot be cross-examined, cannot agree or contract with real people, cannot make a claim or a charge, cannot communicate, cannot autograph in wet blue ink on a contract to create a real contract or issue a true and lawful bill of commerce, and so on… are you starting to get the picture?
    No? Wake up then! The world isn’t what you have been brainwashed to believe! They know it, and they know you don’t, which is why you keep being their victims for piracy, admiralty merchant law, war and genocide. You have lawful power and rights over your own life, they don’t… but they will keep winning because they are so good at lying and bluffing and forcing their will outside of the truth. and the people who are their victims fall for it… which is what they count on. You have to know their rules and your rights in order to know how to play the game and come out ahead.
    Start opening your eyes and brainwashed mind with Robert Menard and Winston Shrout on Youtube (just ignore any content related to “aliens”, etc, and remember, it’s up to you – it is not the responsibility of others – to know the facts and be able to discern whatever you hear to see if it is real truth!).
    what do they all have in common?
    like I said earlier, they are ALL Fictional Private Companies with zero authority or power, and nothing more!
    so, if you don’t want them to rule over you, don’t contract with them, don’t consent to their procedures or jurisdiction, don’t recognize them… retain your lawful rights, etc… and do it the right way within God’s standards of peace as a non-fiction man or woman with lawful de jure common law and private rights and remedies, etc., reserved on and within sight of the free dry soil of the land\ground and not in admiralty\on the sea of commerce, without the BAR, without controversy, aggression or answering questions, etc.! You need to learn a whole lot more before you know what the truth is and what to do or not do, but it’s worth it if you want real freedom.
    (Small list to help you understand what you are dealing with. Nobody can produce a living real object called a corporation, it’s just a fiction in the minds of people).
    And look up House Joint Resolution 192 online as well! 🙂

    Clarification: You have to respond to them “without the BAR, without controversy, aggression or answering questions, and stop accepting commercial papers, phone calls, emails, offers to go to court, and other adhesion\consent tricks, etc., they try to give you, etc.!” 🙂
    They cannot proceed without your permission – no agreement = no contract = no liability… basic commerce stuff.

    if they want us dead chemtrails is quick and easy and forget a big war, it could all be over in minutes with one big pass by all their planes they use already.

  29. lots of angry people out there… the fictional corporate employee fools who don’t mind being robots for some idiots bank account and genocide will someday regret obeying those who rule by force without authority over free people.
    it may come to late for them to stop believing the lies of their bosses and change what they do, but by then we may be invaded by a not so friendly force including death by HAARP, chemtrails or just an invasion by blind and brainwashed foreign troops who are not directly related to us and who believe that to kill us is the best way to protect the world and their slimy bosses.
    However it turns out, God is in charge and only what he wants will happen. War, sickness, death… is God’s way of dealing with sin on earth. Hell is his way of dealing with sin after we die… and even the bad guys eventually die, so it won’t be long before they pay the price for their sins… nobody lives forever.
    want to rid the world of evil… love your neighbour – evil cannot stand up against love, but recognition, acceptance and aggression empowers it.

  30. I see the satanic “all seeing eye and the globe and the tracking device for posters”… maybe this is a military website for profiling and observing and targeting those opposed to the evil fictional one world order for war and profit???
    hey, you never know… they have nothing of any true value to do in their lives so they resort to all kinds of mindless gossip and busybody-ness and think they own or control us free people for their insane bosses, and they are dumb enough to think it has real value… what heartless robotic shmucks… oh well, who said you had to be intelligent beyond the brainwashing and be loving and kind to get the job, hey?
    they won’t be laughing so hard when they stand before God on Judgement Day.

  31. The Hat of the Three-Toed Man-Baby

    You post lists of crackpot ideas that you have on the Internet and think the government gives two shits about your nutty ideas. You also think that owning an AR-15 will protect you from the government.

    Mike, you’re not a conspiracy theorist, you’re just an idiot.

  32. Dear 3 toed man baby, You are the idiot who does not know how to use a search engine and look up all the facts yourself. Wahhh. Wahhh. did’t mean to scare the crybaby.

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