The results are in and it’s high time we did something about it. According to the American Journal of Public Health, suicide surpassed car crashes as the number one cause of death by injury for Americans as of 2009. This is unacceptable. I demand the President hold an immediate press conference, touch the corner of his eye three or four times and insist he will do “whatever it takes” to solve this problem. Enough is enough people. I suggest increasingly harsh punishment for those that participate in suicide, even up to the death penalty.
The point of the above was obviously to be absurd. To offer a ridiculous solution to a tragic and increasingly serious epidemic in this country. The point is to hammer into people that what I wrote above is not that distinct from some of the anti-gun arguments going around in the wake of the Newtown tragedy. Suicide is the perfect example to use, because there is no punishment that can serve as a deterrent, there is simply no easy “feel good” solution that Congress can sign into law, smile for the cameras and move on. If we want to deal with the suicide epidemic, we must deal with the root causes. While I am no expert on the matter, I would suggest that three of the most probable causes are: 1) Mental illness 2) The economic depression 3) A population over-medicated on prescription drugs, particularly SSRIs. What I find interesting, is that the above three issues are probably also likely significant root causes of these mass shootings.