The Dissident Dad – Rules for Not Being a Smartphone Zombie

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Watching a 12-year-old with an iPhone is like watching a hen peck away at a fresh handful of chicken scratch. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. I mean, I’ve seen plenty of rude adults with no manners whatsoever when it comes to cell phones, but watching my niece last week took it to a whole new level. Like a zombie addict, she must have stared at that phone for hours and hours, only taking a break to plug her earphones in to get her iTunes going.

I’ve accepted the fact that for millennials and even baby boomers, there just aren’t smart phone manners. There are no guidelines, no generational precedent… just the two extremes when it comes to mobile device use: either someone is rude or they are not. All I can do is change my own behavior and set a gentlemanly example for my own children.

In my own household, once work is done, my phone either goes in a dresser drawer or is set to airplane mode. I know clients and family probably think I’m an idiot when it comes to responding to a text or answering the phone after business hours, but I have set my own cell phone guidelines. One of which is to never have my children talk to me while I’m starring at a little glass phone. Too many times have I been at a public park and seen children repeatedly trying to get their parents’ attention with little to no success, often getting no response from the parent or just a blank stare as they begrudgingly look up for a moment. Parents push the swing with one hand, and swipe away at Facebook with the other.

Research from a book written by Dr. Steiner-Adair found that when asking children about their parents’ use of mobile devices, the language that kept coming up over and over again was “sad, angry, mad, and lonely.”

I don’t know what it is about an email or text, or for some, a Facebook share, tweet, or Snapchat message, but there is a sense of urgency to reply. For some, the same goes for answering the phone. It’s just rude to take a call while engaged in conversation with someone who is physically present.

Just for a moment, reflect on life 10 or 15 years ago, when for the most part, we checked our emails when we were in front of a computer. Text messaging was nil, and a meal at a restaurant with another person didn’t include social media breaks, a quick pic of our entree, or even an important text message that we have to get back to.

Most things in life can wait, but one thing that won’t wait is time. The time with small children, especially your own young children is fleeting and precious. Each day should be treated as a gift.

As a father, one of the values I must drive home is the value of personal relationships, living in the moment, and giving people the attention they deserve.

Last August, on my personal blog I wrote some suggested manners that I would like to share with you today.

The Dissident Dad’s Smart Phone Manners

1. While dining, leave the phone in your car. Or at the very least, in your pocket. If you have a babysitter or something, okay, leave it on the table. But take a second and turn off the text messaging alerts so only phone calls will go through. Unlike a phone call, texts make you feel obligated to respond immediately.

2. Turn off electronic devices before sleeping, or leave them outside of your bedroom. Kill the urge to check your phone after peeing in the middle of the night, or using it as a sleep aid. I’m serious, these things are not good for your physical health. Studies are popping up all over the place, and even the World Health Organization is saying cell phones may even lead to cancer and brain tumors.

3. While driving, don’t text. It’s dangerous and could kill you and others around you. It’s not fair; how can you drive a motor vehicle and not give the road your full attention? Be respectful to others who want to live, and drive your best.

4. When spending time with children, keep the phone far from you. Put it in a drawer, leave it in the car, whatever you have to do. Don’t be the parent at the park staring at your phone while pushing your toddler on the swing. Or worse, scrolling away when your child has said “mom” or ”dad” for the 10th time. It’s sad, rude, and bad parenting that will have long-lasting damage on your children and your relationship with them.

5. Give the people you are with physically the priority. It’s rude to constantly answer your phone and text while with others. 99% of the Facebook posts, messages, and calls can wait. *If you own a business or NEED to take a call or text, take a moment to let the person you are with know why you may need to step away. While at lunch, business associates and I will often pause for a cell phone break to check emails, voicemails and text messages. This way it is a thought-out break where we all tend to our business needs, and once done, phones get put away and we all get back to giving each other our full attention.

6. Put the phone on airplane mode if you are going to let a child play with it. Like I said, studies are coming out that these may not be healthy for us, so it’s better to err on the side of caution. Try to keep the wireless energy and radiation (I know it is small) away from children.

7. Clean your phone daily – these things are dirtier than a public toilet seat. Think about it, your hands touch people, things, food, and all kinds of nasty things, and then you touch your phone. You wash your hands, but the phone just sits there collecting all kinds of bacteria and filth. Take an alcohol swab or baby wipe to that filthy, nasty phone every day!

Children today are living in a time where technology is advancing at a parabolic pace. The communications revolution that started in the early 90’s continues. I’m not about to stand in its way, but I think good manners and healthy guidelines with regard to mobile devices should be applied – especially while we are with our children.

– Daniel Ameduri aka The Dissident Dad

For more info see this author’s bio.

2 thoughts on “The Dissident Dad – Rules for Not Being a Smartphone Zombie”

  1. These are good reminders though keeping kids away from phones is tough my two year old navigates YouTube music videos (she really likes dogs and baby videos and music in Thai language) far better than I do. I don’t use my smart phone for personal calls or messages it’s just an Internet connection for my toddler to watch music videos. I wonder how this goes in the long run with her–will she follow my lead of placing personal interactions at a higher level than cute cat videos? Or are the cute cat videos just too cute? I think it is more to do with your niece being 12, and probably placing friends on a higher pedestal than family…hopefully this too shall pass no matter what the medium being used to communicate is.

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