Official Rules for Success in John Boehner’s Office: “Don’t Talk to the Press” and “Always Say Yes”

Think you’ve got what it takes to successfully suck up to John Boehner as a summer intern? Don’t worry it isn’t too difficult. In fact, some drunk intern accidentally left the Congressman’s “2013 Intern Manual” at a house party in Washington D.C. Fortunately, the folks at Gawker got a hold of it.

The most telling part of it for me is the page that outlines the “Rules for Internship Success.” They include meaningful skills such as:

  • Do what you are told.
  • Dont’t talk to the press.
  • Always say yes.
  • You are not here to change the world.

If only Bradley Manning had access to a copy of this manual, he would have clearly understood that the values rewarded within the highest echelons of America today do not consist of courage, morality and honor, but rather ass kissing, robotic compliance and a slavish adherence to authority. If he only knew that, he might not be sitting in a jail cell for 35 years.

More from Gawker’s article, How to Be John Boehner’s Bitch:

Washington, D.C. interns — in particular, congressional interns — tend to be embryonic versions of the monsters they serve: rich, white, and drunk on even the tiniest modicum of actual power. How do they get that way? In part by carefully attending to the advice contained in the “2013 Intern Manual” distributed to the unpaid peons of House Speaker John Boehner, the 12-term Republican who superintends the lower chamber’s extreme right wing. Left behind at a recent D.C. house party by a sauced Hill staffer, the manual shows how even the lowest employees lubricate the capital’s gilded political machine.

Later on, interns are apprised of precisely which media organs they should keeps tabs on, and why. Fox News Channel: “A lot of our phone callers react to what is on FOX, so stay updated with current events.” Politico’s PLAYBOOK: “It give [sic] the best rundown of day’s [sic] driving issues.” CNN: “Good site to read throughout the day.”

The manual’s “RULES FOR INTERN SUCCESS” includes helpful pointers like “Don’t talk to the press” and “You are not here to change the world”:

Screen Shot 2013-08-21 at 7.11.32 PM

So just in case you were wondering what it takes to succeed in America’s crony, decrepit culture in 2013…there you have it.

Go to Gawker for a copy of the entire manual here.

In Liberty,
Mike

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1 thought on “Official Rules for Success in John Boehner’s Office: “Don’t Talk to the Press” and “Always Say Yes””

  1. Chomsky: The U.S. behaves nothing like a democracy

    In the United States, one of the main topics of academic political science is the study of attitudes and policy and their correlation. The study of attitudes is reasonably easy in the United States: heavily-polled society, pretty serious and accurate polls, and policy you can see, and you can compare them. And the results are interesting. In the work that’s essentially the gold standard in the field, it’s concluded that for roughly 70% of the population – the lower 70% on the wealth/income scale – they have no influence on policy whatsoever. They’re effectively disenfranchised. As you move up the wealth/income ladder, you get a little bit more influence on policy. When you get to the top, which is maybe a tenth of one percent, people essentially get what they want, i.e. they determine the policy. So the proper term for that is not democracy; it’s plutocracy.

    Inquiries of this kind turn out to be dangerous stuff because they can tell people too much about the nature of the society in which they live. So fortunately, Congress has banned funding for them, so we won’t have to worry about them in the future.

    http://www.salon.com/2013/08/17/chomsky_the_u_s_behaves_nothing_like_a_democracy/

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